Brooks @ age 3

My lovely Brooks. You are three years old and you are too cute for words. You are sweet, charming, sensitive, and overly affectionate...when you want to be. The other part of the time you are hard-headed, disobedient, and straight up loco when you do not get your way. Dad and I are working overtime to stand by our rules, and worrying around-the-clock about raising you right, and effectively communicating with you (and each other). You are doing nothing wrong per say...you are a brilliant, confident, strong-willed three year old who is challenging us simply because you have discovered that you can (and also that you do not like all of our rules). Nap shmap. Sharing shmaring. It's hard. This age is hard. But it is also so wonderful to see how far you have come. You have been going to preschool for a few months now and you really like it! I think you like the challenge. Although the only bit of information you have given us in the last 5 weeks is that you have one friend, named Maddox. But your face lights up when I take you, and you ask on the days you are home when you can go again. You are riding your balance bike very well now. Every time I see you on it you get a little bit more comfortable and daring (lord help me). You are quite timid and cautious compared to other kids your age. I find you watching others a lot, and standing back from a group or playing solo. You are thoughtful, and so compassionate. We recently took a camping trip to El Capitan in Santa Barbara. Car camping, with James, Julie, and Nolan. Also Tom and Emily came along. You loved it. Of course you love anything that has to do with Nolan, Julie, and James. We played on the beach, had a scavenger hunt, and roasted marshmallows every night. The last two nights we camped you practically begged us to put you to bed at night. You played hard and slept very well in the tent with Dad, Ella, and I. 

Upon arrival at our campsight. 

This was the last time we saw these kids without dirt covering their face, arms, and legs.

My Brooks, my love. You are almost 3 years old! You are getting to be such a big boy! You are learning so fast, and growing so tall. You are teaching mommy so much about being a good person. I learn from you every day. You are so innocent and kind-hearted. Although you do a very good job at pushing my (and daddy's) buttons! But you are 2 and that just comes with the territory. I look forward to every day with you. Although you truly think your daddy is the "best" right now. Mommy is a close second. You also love Diana (our babysitter), and your best friends Nolan and Scarlet. Your little Sissy follows you everywhere and the two of you are becoming buddies. I can't wait until you laugh and play and entertain each other all day long. You are on the verge! My heart is steady and full. You bring me so much joy! You are an amazing little person.

2 years

Hi, my Brooks! My sweet little boy. I can't believe how far we have come. You especially. Physically you have grown tall, and your muscular physic has grown more defined. Your face, no longer a baby face, is so beautiful and so perfect. And you're so smart. You are attentive and shy and energetic. You have a beautiful heart. You are kind, and sensitive, and empathic. You are a very loving and super helpful big brother. You are reserved entering a room or meeting a person for the first time. You like to observe and take things in before you come out of your shell. But even when you are in a comfortable space, sometimes you prefer to follow someone else's lead, or play on your own.

Your favorite things include; airplanes, trucks, cars, tractors, firetrucks, police cars, garbage trucks and bikes. You love to say the color purple and to say the number two. You have lots of favorite foods including; yogurt, fruit bars, cheese, rice & beans, and cookies. You love to run and wrestle with your daddy. But your favorite game right now is Hide... where you hide from us, with us, or try to find us (usually under a blanket). Daddy and I love this game because we steal the chance to cuddle with you under a blanket while hiding from something like a bee (actually a fly but you don't know the difference). You love to play in the water but you are also very timid around big pools of water and hate having your hair washed. We wash your hair about twice a month to avoid the fight. Scarlet and Nolan are your best friends, but you also love Coco (Todo), "Uncle" Mark, and your grandparents... especially Papa! Right now you repeat every word we say. Suffice to say you talk a lot! We love it. We love you Buddy and are so happy to celebrate You turning Two!

My baby

Brooks is sick, again, and we are stuck at home, again, slowly getting through the day not knowing what to expect; will he eat? take a good nap? do we need to go see Dr. Bravo? Typically our time is spent keeping busy trying to get in a good nap and a good meal instead of these things being our focus. Most days I spend a good part of our time together marveling at what a little boy he is becoming and how he is growing up so fast. Sick days are the opposite. I hold him differently, look at him differently, and I realize he is still my little little baby. Rocking him to sleep he is snuggled in between my shoulder and my chin, full trust in me. Not knowing yet what the definition of love is but oh so familiar with that feeling of love between us. And I feel assured that he knows he is safe with me. Last night at 2 in the morning as I waited for the ibuprofen to kick in and his high fever to subside I held him close and shared my calm energy. I thought about the first time he got such a high fever (104!) in the middle of the night, in the darkness with no one to turn to, I was so scared for my baby. And whenever I get scared for my baby I get scared for my whole family because we all share the same heart so if anything bad ever happened it would hurt us all equally. But back then I didn't know it was normal to run such a high fever. I didn't know a lot of things, and I still don't. I am preparing for a lifetime of learning now. And I am open to learning from anyone... everyone. Last Sunday I went to church with Colleen for the first time in ages. After the service Coco went to pray with another member of the church and I sat alone feeling comfortable and fulfilled from the beautiful sermon on love and marriage. A nice man (can't remember his name now) came up to me to ask when I was due (Ella June in tow with 10 weeks until D day) so we started talking about kids and he and his wife raised 5 children and only 1 was still at home. Just the thought of my babies being grown up and leaving home brought tears to my eyes. I shared my fear of not having the same close relationship and bond with my kids as they get older. This nice man had such positive things to say. The "firsts" that begin when they enter our world and we experience together are so exciting and bonding...and they last forever, even when they are grown up and out of the house. His words eased my fears and made me see a different way to love, a better way to love. I am hoping to gain more strength (aka less fear) from going to church and meeting people just like him, people who love better. I know my role as mom is not to keep my babies babies forever just so I can basque in the pure love that is exchanged at this young age. They came into this world to replace us, and to make a difference in the world, to shine their light on the whole world...not just me. Only in my dreams.

My Son...

Dear Brooks,

I was laying you down for your morning nap today and so many thoughts ran through my head. How lucky am I to have you in my life?! It is pure joy loving you. Being your mom is the greatest gift I could ever imagine. I was looking at your beautiful face; your soft smooth skin, dark eyelashes, wavy hair, and perfect "Brooks" features. You are so amazing and adventurous and charming. I absolutely love you more than words, more than life, more than anything. This past year has been all about you, watching you grow and soaking in your beauty. I will dedicate my life to making your's whole. I hope I can be a great mom to you. I love you, son.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

One Year Old

Baby Boy Brooks,

Oh how you have stolen my heart. This past year has been exciting, scary, tiring, but most of all joyful! You have brought me so much joy!! You have changed my life forever and ever in the best way possible. To watch you grow from a helpless newborn to an independent 1 year old has been amazing. Only one thing has stayed the same over the past 365 days... that is our connection. I am so grateful to have you in my life. We were meant to be. You have given my life new meaning.

Now you:

You have a gift of making people smile. Whether we are in the grocery store, or the living room with family, you have no problem staring people down until they crack, all googley eyed and talking sweet to you. You are adventurous. I can throw you up in the air again and again until my arms get tired and you laugh harder, like you could be flipped upside down all hours of the day. You like to climb and explore. All of your toys have suddenly become stepping stones to whatever interests you on any given day. You like to look up in the sky at birds, planes, trees, and even when we are inside you obsess over the lights on the ceiling. You absolutely l-o-v-e your dog dog (Leo). And might I say here Leo is the best dog in the world. You pull his tail, pinch his feet, chase him all over the house and he just plays along. Once in a while Leo get annoyed and nips at you but you l-o-v-e that too!! You love a challenge. When I tell you "no biting" or "soft touches" you think it is hilarious and get all manic and challenge me to try and stop you. Your face lights up when you see your daddy. Daddy is fun and loving and also a challenge (just like you like). He tests how long you can stand to be tickled and gets you excited when 'he's gonna get you.'

The first words you spoke: "hot" along with the sign for hot

Your favorite food: tortillas, cheese, and yogurt

Favorite place: anywhere outdoors

Favorite people: mom, dad, leo, papa dan and auntie coco

Favorite things: trucks and airplanes

Dislikes: can't think of any

Brooks - Happy 1st Birthday to my One-Der-Ful boy and thank you times a million for choosing me to be your mom. You are beautiful and special and it is an honor to be your mother.

Oceans of Love,

Momma

About to walk

Brooks is so adorable learning how to walk. He has all the confidence in the world cruising around on the furniture, and he stands up for a few solid seconds if he is distracted by a toy or something he wants. One thing is for sure, he is fearless. He falls down again and again but always gets back up, usually with a smile on his face. For now he is happy getting around crawling (and he is quite good at it). Mommy is happy that he is happy.